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Obsessive doing is a red flag that communicates a conscious or unconscious fear of being alone with oneself.

The inordinate need to engage in activity fills a “vacuum hole.” The obsession to do often reflects a lack of value and self-esteem. It is a fear of self-knowledge, resulting in an insatiable need or co-dependence on “outside” activities to gain a false sense of belonging, importance, or self-esteem.

When one is too preoccupied with condos, cars, gourmet dining and dining, designer clothes, running, working out, TV and movies, “seeing and being seen,” etc., one is really looking for a sense of vitality. However, to tell the truth, in this state, one will never truly and honestly feel “alive”. And, when one does not feel alive, one feels that one is going to “die”.

So, in a reactive state, one feels the compulsion to do, do and do, buy, binge, take chemical and non-chemical drugs, run miles and miles, listen to loud music, go, go and go.

In a relationship, an obsessive focus on doing results in a lack of quality time, quiet time, alone time, and time to rest, reflect, relax, recharge, and renew. This obsessively active individual may experience periods of exhaustion, fatigue, “fog” and irritability due to depleted energy. The bottom line: This red flag says “no intimate time for you/us.”

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