Many times we become witnesses to the aching heart of a victim of abuse, and we choose not to act because we consider that it is not necessary or not a problem for us to get involved. The most you can think of that you can do is give advice. Although that is sincere and effective, I would consider taking a bigger step to show the victim that you not only care about their well-being, but that you are willing to give them the help they really need. We always talk about our concerns about friends or family or society itself; Well, let’s start turning our worries into positive actions. Practice what we preach and see how a life can get a second chance with its own hands.
Personality of an abuser
Many reasons arise as to why we choose not to intervene, and generally the victim does not allow intervention because the abuser has a common pattern for capturing the victim’s sensitivity. The abuser will go from very abusive violent behavior to apologizing with “sincere promises of change” and will calm down for a time, but not long enough, until he repeats his cycle of abuse. We must intervene, not abruptly, but build a plan and then act when everything is in place so that the victim is in a safe environment. Many times we are not aware of the abuse because the perpetrator is really good at presenting a calmer and friendly side in public that makes many feel supportive or believe that they cannot hurt. The personality of an abuser can be difficult to detect and can usually only be detected if the victim shows the signs of the abuse. Don’t let the perpetrator’s kind gestures and guilty heart justify your actions. Once the silence is broken and the victim leaves their abuser, the abuser will use whatever means necessary to present himself as the good guy. The abuser will look desperate, sad, desperate, he will even accuse the victim for his own behavior, making himself feel justified by the course of the actions taken. Sometimes the stories they tell sound reasonable, especially if they have recently been kind and generous to you. In severe cases after the victim leaves the abuser, the abuser will attempt to befriend the victim’s friends or family again in an attempt to stay within the victim’s inner circle not only to feel close to his victim, but to recover information. Several people make mistakes, but within a case of domestic violence these abusers are committing a felony, it is not a mistake if their actions continue daily for several years affecting the well-being of another human being. We cannot avoid this behavior.
What is spousal domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse between couples arises when there is a clear sign of control by one spouse over the other. The abuser uses fear, intimidation, or humiliation to control his spouse, and if the abuser feels that does not work, he resorts to violence. If domestic abuse turns physical, it is called domestic violence. Many relationships have their own struggles to overcome, but if your spouse’s actions are more than the effect of a lack of trust in the relationship, then you must realize the reality of the situation you are in and get out. Your abuser will first use verbal means to get to you and then turn physical if he feels like he has lost control. This is not acceptable.
Types of abuse
Domestic abuse can be: physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and / or stalking. Don’t mistake abuse for love, and don’t mistake your spouse’s constant irrational needs for a term of endearment. You are not in a healthy relationship if each step must be controlled by your spouse. This type of need is not love it is a dangerous abusive mentality, as a victim you must accept this reality and find the strength to walk away. You deserve to live without fear, you deserve to be respected in a relationship where you invest your heart and soul, and most importantly, you deserve a chance in life. That slap, that humiliating moment in public, that unwarranted aggressive or violent reaction will turn into a million more if you allow it.
Signs and Symptoms of an Abusive Relationship!
(helpguide.org)
If you answer most of the questions below with a yes, then you are more likely to be in an abusive relationship; it will be fine if you seek help.
• Are you afraid of your partner most of the time?
• Do you avoid certain topics or spend a lot of time figuring out how to talk about certain topics so as not to arouse negative reaction or anger from your partner?
• Have you ever felt like you can’t do anything right for your partner?
• Have you ever felt so bad about yourself that you think you deserve to be hurt physically?
• Have you lost the love and respect you once had for your partner?
• Do you ever wonder if you are the one who is crazy, that perhaps you are overreacting to the behaviors of your partner?
• Are you afraid that your partner will try to kill you?
• Are you afraid that your partner will try to take your children from you?
• Do you feel like there is nowhere to turn for help?
• Do you feel emotionally numb?
• Were you abused as a child or grew up with domestic violence in the home? Does domestic violence seem normal to you?
“Your partner’s lack of control over your own behavior”:
• Does your partner have low self-esteem? Do they seem to feel powerless, ineffective, or inadequate in the world, even though they are apparently successful?
• Does your partner externalize the causes of his own behavior? Do they blame stress, alcohol, or a “bad day” for their violence?
• Is your partner unpredictable?
• Is your partner a nice person between episodes of violence?
“Violent or threatening behavior of your partner”:
• Does your partner have a bad temper?
• Has your partner ever threatened to hurt or kill you?
• Has your partner ever physically hurt you?
• Has your partner threatened to take your children away from you, especially if he tries to leave the relationship?
• Has your partner ever threatened suicide, especially as a way to keep you from leaving?
• Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to?
• Has your partner threatened you at work, either in person or over the phone?
• Does your partner destroy your belongings or household items?
“Controlling behavior of your partner”:
• Does your partner try to prevent you from seeing your friends or family?
• Are you embarrassed to invite friends or family to your home because of your partner’s behavior?
• Has your partner limited your access to money, the phone, or the car?
• Does your partner try to prevent you from going where you want to go outside the house or from doing what you want to do?
• Is your partner jealous and possessive, asking where you are going and where have you been, as if watching you? Do they accuse you of having an affair?
“Your partner’s decline from you”:
• Does your partner verbally abuse you?
• Does your partner humiliate or criticize you in front of others?
• Does your partner often ignore or belittle your opinions or contributions?
• Does your partner always insist that she is right, even when she is clearly wrong?
• Does your partner blame you for their own violent behavior, saying that your behavior or attitudes make them violent?
• Does your partner often get openly angry with you?
• Is your partner objective and disrespectful to those of your gender? Does your partner see you as property or a sexual object, rather than as a person?
If you or someone you know is going through this, give them a hand, guide them to the many support systems available and, in my opinion, do everything you can, but don’t let it negatively affect your own life.
For advice and support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
In emergencies, dial 911 for immediate assistance.
*Source: [1] “Domestic Violence and Abuse; Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes and Effects”, Dr. Tina de Benedictis, Dr. Jaelline Jaffe, Dr. Jeanne Segal, http://www.helpguide.org.