Let me ask you… do you know how many hours a day you SHOULD dedicate to your marriage?
A happy and healthy marriage requires time to be spent WITH each other, for each other, and FOR each other. Unfortunately, most couples forget this and focus on other things that they consider (at the time) a “priority.”
So what are some of the lawsuits married couples face?
o Planning and attendance at children’s events.
o Worry about wedding, bridal shower, christening, birthday and anniversary gifts for your loved ones
o Taking care of pets and day-to-day household chores
o Maintenance of the house and vehicles.
o Attend and prepare for church related events and gatherings.
o Spend time with family and friends
Add to this the fact that some couples face serious “road blocks” that put a lot of pressure on their marriage, such as:
o Dealing with a serious illness in the family
o Older parent moving into the home
or an adventure
or a serious accident
o Financial struggles such as bankruptcy or depleted credit cards
o Loss of a child or loved one
or And the list goes on…
To put each spouse’s time into perspective, let’s take a look at what they do during a typical 168-hour week:
Activity Time spent Time remaining in the week
Sleep: 8 h/day | 56 hours/week – *112 remaining hours
Work/Travel: 9 hrs/day | 45 hours/week – *67 remaining hours
Eating and preparing: 2 h/day | 14 hours/week – * 53 remaining hours
Themes and events for children: 3 h/day | 21 hours/week – *32 remaining hours
Home maintenance: 1 h/day | 7 hours/week – *25 remaining hours
Telephone conversations: 1.5 h/day | 10.5 hours/week – *14.5 remaining hours
Friends/Social Life: 1.5 h/day | 10.5 hours/week – *4 hours left
And where do those last 4 hours go?
According to AC Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than four hours of television per day (28 hours per week / two months of non-stop TV viewing per year). Let’s not focus on the idea that in a lifetime of 65 years, a person will have spent nine years in front of a television!
But let’s not assume that you are the average television viewer. In fact, if you’re reading this article, you’re probably not watching anywhere CLOSE to that much television. Instead, ask yourself: Do you have enough time for a good marriage?
To answer this question, we’ll need to find out what a “good marriage” REALLY is, and then we’ll find out the actual amount of time a “good marriage” requires in terms of hours per week. I have worked for many years teaching married couples what they WISH they had learned BEFORE they got married.
I can explain what a good marriage is based on and what men and women need to be happy in marriage. In fact, I’ll get to work…
A man needs sexual intimacy and respect.
A woman needs financial security and emotional security.
Period.
When I work with couples, I give them these definitions and then ask them to give me a percentage of how much they are receiving these needs on a scale of 100% to 0%.
Over the years, I have found that in all good marriages, each one gives me a grade between 80% and 100%. This means that a husband’s wife builds him up, overlooks her faults, looks for what’s good in her and takes a genuine…well don’t let me waste words.
I’ll explain it concisely by showing you what a true wife and true husband do to create a happy marriage using my definitions of a true husband and true wife which you can download here: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/real.pdf
In a perfect world, men and women would have these two signs in their bathroom so they could constantly read them as they get ready for their busy day. I guarantee that any couple who comes close to these definitions would tell you that, overall, they are very happy in their marriage.
So how much TIME does it take to create this ideal marriage? After dealing with all the daily life issues listed in the time chart she saw above, the remaining hours left in your marriage could EASILY be spent watching TV.
TV is easy. It requires no thought, physical activity, interaction with other people, and no sacrifice on your part. Just sit back and let the cares of the day slowly fade away as you get absorbed in your favorite TV show.
Neilson’s study of time use dramatizes the fact that television is the nation’s leading form of entertainment. Nothing else comes close in terms of time commitment. Americans in general seek the easy life that television offers.
It is a fact that no relationship is as intense, demanding, or fulfilling as a marriage can be. It is the toughest relationship, but also the most rewarding you can have with another person. So WHY do we choose to make EVERYTHING ELSE our top priority while only leaving 4 measly hours a week dedicated to our marriage?
Now think about this because I guarantee you haven’t done it before. Does anyone really care about the health of YOUR relationship, your connection to each other, and your marriage? In this society, marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs and my point is that no one really cares about the goose that lays the eggs.
Let me prove my point that your marriage is the goose that lays the eggs and everyone wants your “golden eggs”. Their kids don’t care about their marriage… until mom and dad find themselves in big trouble and can’t stop fighting. Both sets of your parents don’t care about YOUR marriage.
They actually care about their own son or daughter in the marriage, not about the marriage itself. Your extended family members don’t care about YOUR marriage… but they do care that you bring a gift for nieces, nephews and come to the party… but they have nothing to say about your marriage.
Friends don’t care about YOUR marriage, they are nice to you as a couple, but they genuinely care about you as an individual…the person they knew BEFORE the wedding.
Your son’s school won’t care about your marriage. They just need to know which one of you will be volunteering for the fundraiser or performing at parent-teacher night.
It is rare that churches – synagogues take care of your marriage. For most, it’s just not on their radar. They don’t have a preventative maintenance program for married couples to keep them from going bad.
When it comes to assets, your marriage goose has the assets. The marriage makes the two of them more stable and financially successful because of their union. Together they produce the golden eggs that build a strong Nation. Marriage has been ignored in this country thinking it is the most VALUABLE and BENEFICIAL of all relationships.
No one has suggested “National Marriage Day” to bring to light the fact that marriages should be nurtured and nurtured. We must protect the goose that laid the golden eggs. Instead, what we have is a “goose killing society” because they don’t understand marriage.
When a marriage falls apart, friends, family, coworkers, schools, and even religious organizations don’t know what to say. They don’t know what to do because so few people understand what it takes to create a successful marriage and even FEWER people know why marriages fall apart.
With this background in mind, it’s easy to see how the two of you will be influenced to put your priorities where everyone says your priorities should be… ON THEM! This is why their time (one of the main assets of the goose) is freely given away to everyone else and there are only 4 hours a week left for the male and female halves of the goose to take care of themselves.
If no one cares about the health of your marriage and neither do you two, where does that leave your family? Who will care enough to keep your marriage together if you two don’t even know how? Who in this society will strengthen your marriage but the two of you?
The answer is NOBODY… because nobody cares about the goose. And this leads me to my conclusion that… “Only a HEALTHY goose can lay golden eggs”
Hopefully now you can see that your marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Together, they create confident and successful children who will shape our future and the future of our grandchildren.
Together they pay the taxes that run our cities, the mortgages that build new homes and create the wealth of society. It is as husband and wife that the two of you contribute to a strong partnership. Together, your savings and investments make this a stronger Nation… as a union, the two of you lay the golden eggs that contribute to our great Nation… and the prosperity of every human being on the planet for that matter.
So how to care for the goose, how to keep your marriage strong? They must talk to each other to strengthen the goose. Talk… as in CONVERSATION, not just in passing. Talking, sharing ideas and listening to each other takes time and 4 hours a week is the absolute MINIMUM amount of time you should spend on this activity.
Talk openly and make sure you don’t criticize each other while you talk. This will add depth to your relationship and keep your marriage strong. Probably the most frequently used marriage advice is to plan a regular “date night.”
You plan that date and suddenly the world of askers arrives and tries to steal even that little while from the goose. Don’t let it happen. Take a closer look at all the time constraints in your marriage that you would normally use to meet each other’s needs, and remember that only a healthy goose lays golden eggs, and improving your marriage takes time. It’s not going to happen overnight.
You should be in a good frame of mind when the two of you are faced with life’s unexpected and unwanted problems that can take the form of bankruptcy, a sick child, or various types of addictions that could affect either of you.
If collectively, you are not a “healthy goose”, those problems can tear the goose apart and one million five hundred thousand divorces a year prove it. In times of trouble, talk to each other MORE, not less. To talk, you need to feel safe with each other. To feel safe, both of you need to really listen to each other without judging each other.
If you have to air your problems and concerns, take turns and then leave it all behind. EVERYTHING TAKES TIME. Give your marriage time and the world will continue to thank you for your golden eggs.