In the world of health and weight loss, we hear a lot of information about what, when and how much we should eat. But despite all this information, the discussion about our relationship with food is non-existent at best. We seem to live in a culture that relies on solid information about weight loss, of which none exists. Sure, when I say solid weight loss information, I’m talking about weight loss information that incorporates information related to your relationship with food. Without this comprehensive piece of information, the changes we can make to the what, when, and how much categories of our weight loss will only be first-order changes. First-order changes are changes in behavior, not the underlying thoughts and feelings that support the behavior.
The failure of this Band-Aid approach is evidenced by the lack of success in weight loss in this country. To create second-order changes, or changes in thoughts and feelings that support weight loss behavior, we need to change not only what, when, and how much we eat, but also our attitude toward food. To change this, we must first understand it. As we do so, we are likely to discover that our attitude toward food represents not only a pattern in our behavior around food, but also our behavior in life in general. That said, it’s not uncommon to find that the way you relate to food is the way you deal with many things in life. So let’s explore some different attitudes towards food and the ways these attitudes affect our lives:
1. THE CONTROLLER: Do you consider food as something in your life that you can control? Do you depend on your control of food to gain a sense of control of your life? Do you find yourself turning to food to overcome emotions or situations that are not under your control? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably have a tendency to view food as a control. People like this tend to look for things in their life that can be regulated, structured, managed, and consistent. When they find these things, they tend to depend on them for their emotional stability. What this means is that when that thing in a person’s life is stable, regulated, managed, and consistent, so is the person. But when that isn’t consistent, stable, or controlled, neither are the person’s emotions.
People like this don’t like changes in routine and have trouble adjusting when plans don’t go as planned. Much of what perpetuates this problem adjusting to changes in routine is the expectation that things shouldn’t change unless the person changes them. People like this are confident in the ability to control things and may have trouble delegating authority to others or entrusting them with control. Using the relationship with food as a way to feel in control can then predispose this person to eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. However, perhaps the most important problem is that this person is prone to depression and anxiety, since a life that depends on control ceases to have a sense of freedom, enjoyment or passion.
2. THE DEPENDENT: Do you feel that food brings you comfort? Do you find yourself nourished by food? Do you turn to food when you feel depressed or rejected? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have a tendency to see food as something you depend on. People like this tend to look for things in their life that represent comfort. This can be in the form of a relationship, a place, a thing, or food. Since these things will provide emotional comfort, whenever they feel down, they will turn to these things. For people like this, emotional stability depends on the availability of these things. Since they tend to look for ways in their life to feel nurtured, they also dislike being in control and would rather delegate authority than experience it. However, by looking to other people and things to satisfy their emotional needs, these people are prone to overeating and feel that their life has no direction or firm anchor.
3. THE ANGRY PERSON: Do you feel like diet plans and attempts to lose weight have let you down? Do you tend to often find yourself angry and looking for a way to vent? Does food give you the opportunity to get what you really want when you can’t do it any other way in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have a tendency to be an angry eater. People like this tend to get angry easily in life and often experience this emotion efficiently. Because they frequently experience anger, they also feel that life, people, and situations have let them down. Since they cannot change any of these situations that have let them down, they look for ways to express their anger. In fact, they become dependent on these situations.
They may feel attached to things in their life that allow them to express their anger. For this reason, they will often stay in relationships that they describe as bad. These relationships allow them to express their anger. Food, for these people, also represents a way of expressing anger and they will often find themselves eating when they are angry. In the same way that they will stay in a bad relationship because it is a way of expressing their anger, they will also want to maintain their relationship with food. They may ask for help or try to change their eating habits, but they remain attached to the angry relationship they have with food. Because people like these have trouble letting go of their anger, they are also prone to self-destructive behaviors and patterns in life.
4. THE LOST PERSON: Do you find yourself trying routine after routine in your weight loss efforts? Do you think your weight loss efforts are going well when you’re in a rut, but things seem to fall apart when the rut ends? Do you often have trouble knowing which food will satisfy you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have a tendency to feel lost with food. People like this tend to be unsure not only about what they want to eat, but about many things in life in general. They tend to do well when expectations are set for them and routine is implemented for them.
But when it comes to developing their own expectations of themselves or creating their own routine, they fail. They tend to never really be sure what they want, and their relationship with food shows it. It’s almost as if as long as the eating routine satisfies another person, they are satisfied. But they never really know what satisfies them. For this reason, people like this are prone to feelings of loneliness and loss of hope. These people find it difficult to feel confident and self-assured as they often feel like they don’t understand themselves. That said, they may also have trouble knowing when they’re really hungry or not, and/or differentiating between hunger and fullness levels. As a result of this, they may be prone to overeating and undereating.
Looking at the types above, see if you can determine their attitude towards food. If you can, you are already one step ahead. Generally, when people not only understand their relationship with food, but themselves more clearly, the necessary changes are also more prominent. Also, when you can see that your relationship with food is a component of a larger pattern in your life, the impetus to change will be strengthened. As you make these necessary changes, while they can be challenging and difficult at times, it’s important to recognize that lasting change includes changing not only what, when, and how much you eat, but also the way you think and feel about food. , yourself and your life.